


Karma Is A Bitch (revisited)

by Lokisgame



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Episode: s05e12 Bad Blood, F/M, Fluff, Humor, X-Files OctoberFicFest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 12:03:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8371618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokisgame/pseuds/Lokisgame
Summary: The green eyed monster, with buck teeth.Edited, because I learned some things since posting it.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Punk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Punk/gifts).



> _I don’t mean to claim or own you_   
>  _Or maybe I would like to_   
>  _But I need whatever side of love_   
>  _Is there_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> "Send him away" by Franz Ferdinand
> 
> Dedicated to Punk, who's Mulder/Other stories kept me up at night and made me join the writing part of this fandom. Thank you.

"Agent Mulder!" A voice sounded from the office behind them. Scully was quite annoyed, watching Mulder flirting for the past hour with the AI specialist. She was pretty, tall, with long dark hair and glasses sliding down her nose. Something you could find in Wired magazine, if it had a centerfold with a PinUp Geek.  
She watched as Mulder smiled and wrote something on the back of his business card and handed it to her. Unbelievable, he gave her his number? A week from Valentines Day?  
Next few days were filled with uncharacteristically exuberant Mulder. He disappeared around lunch time, got back later than usual, all smiles, he couldn't sit for 10 minutes in one place. When he started to play with the phone cord while answering calls, she knew who was at the other end. 

 

Ok, full disclosure: I don't get asked out much. Not as much as you'd think, and definitely not as much as I used to, before what, six years? Seven? Unbelievable. It's not that big of a deal really, between work and Scully, and working with Scully, I'm happy as a clam. Well, maybe not exactly happy, some things are missing, but if I had to choose between getting laid and giving up Scully, well, there's no choice here really.  
But! It seemed like a good idea at the time, a bit of fun, Valentines Day was just around the corner, and you know, it was completely innocent! I swear! At least on my end. She called, we had some laughs, had lunch once or twice... in three days, and then dinner... tonight. Okay, let's call a spade a spade, a date.  
And you know what I realized? When you're on a dinner date and think about exsanguinated cows instead of long lashes of the woman sitting on the other side of the table, you might as well pay the bill, say goodnight and go back to your office and your 6 bloodless bovine babes.  
Scully was quieter than usual today. She didn't finish her report either. Ooooh boy. Now you've done it. You've set the bait and she took it, hook, line and sinker. The Moron Of The Year award goes to... YOU! Now bow and thank the Academy!  
Okay, keep calm, you messed up, you clean it up. Options. 6 dead cows and a dead man. Sounds like a bad movie, a holiday special. With vampires. She will kill me with laughter and then hang me out to dry. Well, so be it. Chaney, Texas here we come. 

Early wake up call, only light cream cheese bagels at the bakery, of which I only managed to eat half. And why are you so happy Mulder? Did you get laid last night?  
Vampires don't exist and I don't want to go to Dallas.  
Yeah, as if I have a choice, yeee-haw.  
It's not like local cops make me swoon, but oooh boy. If only half of the representatives of local law enforcement were half as charming, handsome, well mannered and interested in my opinion as Sheriff Hartwell, my job would be a lot more pleasant and a lot more easier.  
Of course there is no such thing as vampires. A real vampire wouldn't need chloral hydrate to incapacitate his victim, he'd only need his charm, and maybe some... magic fingers?  
I bet Sheriff Hartwell has magic fingers... What? If Mulder can date so can I. It would definitely do me good! Pizza would be nice too.  
Of course Mulder had to burst in and demand another autopsy! Whatever happened to him, he had it coming.

Pizza. The Pizza Guy. MULDER!

The universe must hate me right now. Karma, that's what it is.  
I looked at another woman, and what goes around comes around. But, if Scully's attracted to the buckteeth sheriff, then what does that make me? What does she see in him that I don't have? I've spent a day with the guy, and I don't get it. What makes her laugh at my theory while smiling at him with that dismissive, patronizing smile? What is different this time. We always do weird stuff, weird is what we do! Vampires, ok, it's a little more than usual, but still. Saving your face in front of Sheriff Buckteeth? You want to flirt and make starry eyes at him, be my guest Scully.  
I'm here to do the job, even if the job means being dragged behind a runaway RV.  
Let's hope she won't notice the mud. Yeah, as if.

Fake teeth. Oh shit. If I'd pursue Scully with equal enthusiasm, she would be mine years ago. Yeah, priorities. 

Four hundred and forty six million dollars worth of overreaction. You want me to lie for you Mulder?

Is that what you're going to tell Skinner? I'm in deep shit Scully, don't let me drown. I WAS DRUGGED! 

He did what?

But... he was dead. 

_back in Texas, cemetery, night_

"Don't say I never did nothing for ya." Karma is a bitch Scully, I learned it the hard way. 

"Extremely charming, seductive..." Oh boy, Mulder was right. 

Oh boy, I was right.

_And this is... essentially, exactly the way it happened... I think._

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 24.10.2016 as part of Leiascully's October Fic Fest


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